Mister Faded Glory

As noted last night, the Colts finally — finally — were able to cast aside a certain demon in Foxborough — trouncing the Patriots 40-21. This is the equivalent of the Cubs winning a series or two in St. Louis, with no ascertained actual ramifications to the win — just that it’s a nice feather in the cap as the team pursues loftier goals.

That said, comes now fan-boy columnist Bill Simmons, to offer a lengthy, bitter, spiteful take on the game. To read it, you wouldn’t realize that the Patriots had — ahem — won three out of the last four Super Bowls. Witness:

Forty points and a gazillion first downs later, Manning was smiling on the sidelines, his teammates were pretending they liked him, ABC was rolling their fake MasterCard commercial and the fans were pouring out of Gillette Stadium. The torch, for all intents and purposes, had been passed. After four arduous years, various rule changes to help their passing game, and a cream-puff schedule highlighted by a fortuitous bye before last night’s game, the Colts (and the NFL) finally got their wish. There was a new alpha dog in the AFC.

We here at Mr. Faded Glory endorse Simmons’ columns — however, it’s a shame that as he has improved as a writer, his material has consistently become more condescending, arrogant, and petty. (Sider: I know he’s obsessive and insecure, as all writers are, but he has a big problem with bloggers trashing him. However, re-read the column, and you tell me that he is not mindful of the incitement his blog surely creates among Colts fans.)

Why would someone as talented and successful as Simmons be so bitter? About a regular season football game? And it’s not like this game dents a wholly one-sided rivalry between the Patriots and the Colts. The Pats have won three Super Bowls! They’ve owned us! What type of inferiority complex must you have as a fan, to become so threatened by an outcome of a regular season game? Why the fixation on ONE opponent — when your team has clearly dominated everyone in its path over the last four years? Why are the Colts suddenly so important?

It’s impossible to speculate. It’s tough when sports becomes too much of someone’s life — when they are so protective of their newfound superiority as a sports fan that they need to mark their territory or effuse testosterone any time any sort of threat may cloud their favorite team’s aura. Pathetic. Bill is not 10 years old, and he is much too good of a writer to devolve into this boastful, small persona. But that’s where he is — and perhaps, after spending too much time around Yankees and Lakers fans, he knows it as well.

Reprinted here is a “Sports Guy Fan Rant” which I emailed to Mr. Simmons earlier today (Awesome!), which will not run on ESPN. Hopefully it makes sense, and is less whiny than Bill’s material. Remember, he started it.

Bill —

In today’s More Cowbell (11.8.05) your analysis and comparisons between last night’s Patriots/Colts game in paragraphs 9 and 10 was very good. It must have been tough for you to write, and we Colts fans can appreciate that.

Perhaps we can take comfort in that alone, since the rest of the column is peppered with only cheap shots against the Colts. Their schedule is unfair! The entire NFL wants them to win! The rules were changed in 2003 to help the Colts and only the Colts! Remember, I root for the Patriots!

First, I suggest you examine penalty statistics per each team dating back to 2001. I dare say I can guess which Northeastern team was penalized much, much less than the rest of the NFL. Some conspiracy.

Secondly, I suggest you listen to the commentators you are obliged to defend. How many times in the last three years have we listened to the NFL media from broadcast through print ranks espouse only the virtues and general excellence of the “classy” Patriots and their genius coach? (By the way, who in the entire free world didn’t see that onside kick coming?)

Maybe that’s always been their charge. From coach down to the fans — everyone associated with the Patriots gains an edge because of the belief they are being disrespected? You included, I presume?

Finally, I must shake my head. I must have missed the post-game show last night, in which the NFL removed all of NE’s Super Bowl trophies and re-dedicated them to the Colts after a Week 9 win, albeit an anointed “statement game.”

Why must you be so bitter?

One would think that suffering through a lifetime of rooting for the Red Sox and Patriots, that you possess enough empathy or common sense to understand the separation between a classy winner and a sore one.

However, you clearly must not, as you resort to schoolyard whining, petty digs, and cheap shots designed to make yourself feel better about your sports identity EVEN THOUGH YOUR TEAM HAS WON THREE SUPER BOWL TITLES IN THE LAST FOUR YEARS.

I’m not saying you’re not entitled to a bit of chest-puffing. I’m not denying there may be many spiteful Colts fans who presumably are just as pointed and vindictive toward you. I’m still not convinced the Colts will avoid the Pats in the playoffs, five-game lead or not. I’m not even saying Peyton Manning is NOT a dork. I’m just saying that you’re a much, much better writer than today’s Cowbell expressed.

And to see your work devolve into the petty boasting of a typical Yankees, Lakers, or Cowboys fan juxtaposed with rampant conspiracy theories –well, that’s the toughest thing to stomach of all. Not the Colts finally getting a win they sorely needed.

(So that grace-period thing must have been just column fodder, huh?)

———-

John Hanley
Colts, Cubs, Syracuse, Iowa fan
Salina, KS (where?)

Hey, that’s my identity! I’m supposed to be a chickensh*t blogger! Oops. Till next entry …