THE BOARD
The Board
1. The Detroit Pistons. It’s overdue that I give congratulations for the first watchable NBA champion since the 1995 Houston Rockets. (NOTE TO CURRENTLY FREAKING-OUT AMERICA – I KNOW THE BULLS WERE WATCHABLE, BUT I’M ONE OF THE THREE PEOPLE WHO HATED THEM. SO THEY DON’T COUNT.)
2. Twenty-nine. At least it’s not thirty.
3. Movieland Manor. A recent impetus for my hiatus (That’s right, an almost-poem) was an excursion to Monte Vista, Colorado. What, you’ve never been? Anyway, 50 miles north of New Mexico, the small town features a motel adjacent to an antiquated drive-in theatre. Each motel room has a speaker system that is wired to the movie theatre, so you can enjoy spectacles such as Shrek 2 on the big screen, peering out over a sea of cars (No lie, the place was packed.) The rest of the hotel was a dive, but c’mon, it’s the little things that make it.
4. The Rocky Mountains. So I’m well-traveled, but had never been into any of the Rockies, though I have visited Denver. They’re cool. Not four-hour-tolerable-drive-up-and-down-hills cool, but cool.
5. Cooking. Proved my kitchen mettle this week by preparing orzo primavera for Ms. Faded Glory. The pasta went smoothly, about as quickly as Rachael Ray said, and came out delicious.
However, I planned to serve quick-and-easy garlic bread with the meal, and preheated my oven, tossing the bread — still in foil wrapper — onto the rack. Well, as smoke began billowing out of the kitchen, I quickly removed the bread from the oven to discover the wrapper was plastic. It had melted, and half of it fused to the still-doughy bread, with the other half molten on the oven rack. I removed the oven rack, and leaned it against the oven before taking it out to the garage for later cleaning. Following that, I noticed the edge of the rack scorched my kitchen carpet, leaving a burn stain that will require a recarpeting of the entire kitchen to repair. But damn it, the pasta was good! And, we’ve also learned that ABC needs to offer me a sitcom. Throw in a talking baby if you want, this stuff is gold….
THE BORED
1. Kansas City sports fans. Yep, you’re all up in arms because Carlos Beltran is gone, traded to the Astros.
You whine that you can’t keep your players.
You whine because you’re a small market.
You whine and whine and whine. Well, get it straight. You didn’t see this coming with inflated contract demands and a poor start? Not even the New York YankeeDevils would have kept him around!
You’ve done a good job developing a nucleus of good hitters at a time, then giving them about a two-year window to win. This is what everyone else does as well. Once you learn how to scout strikeout pitchers, rather than garbage tossers, you can expect more success. It’s that simple. Give your guys some pitchers. Give ‘em a chance.
Seriously, Darrell May? Jimmy Gobble? Jeremy Affeldt? Kevin Appier? Kris Wilson? Why don’t you find an underhand pitcher? At least then his bizarre delivery would hide the meatballs.
Again, who wouldn’t have traded Beltran? No one could or would have signed him during this year, thanks to his agent’s ridiculous salary forecast.
You want him so bad? Ship your overrated boy Mike Sweeney to the Giants, then make a run at Carlos with a long-term deal. But stop complaining. The whole city has a chip on its shoulder. Yes, you’re a big Des Moines. Get over yourselves.
2. Two-week hiatuses. Not cool, clearly when you’re hilarious. But yes, things get busy.
3. Columns with no links and probable run-on sentences and typos. Sorry. I’m still busy.
4. Movable Type. Not sure how long my dsv-circle site will continue to function, as I have no clue nor time to learn any web design, publishing systems, or other computer stuff. If blogs were run with QuarkXPress and a tabloid printing press, I’d be kicking everyone else’s ass.
5. The NBA Draft. Say what you will, that it’s a developmental draft, that too many kids go out, that ESPN has ruined another sporting event, that Stephen A. Smith needs to stop shouting, or that seniors are punished for staying in school too long, because they don’t have potential, and …
well, you’d be right.
This particular draft was abominable. OK, so you’re a GM, what do you do? Your shelf-life is likely three or four years anyway, so you draft a high-schooler, and sign them to buckets of money? Man, that’s your own death warrant.
What should you do, facing this year’s crop? Trade out. The draft is cyclical, a better one will be forthcoming, and next year’s No. 1 is likely more valuable than No. 22 pick Sergio Monia (5.9 points in the Euro league. Sign me up!).
Winner players from this year’s draft (Able to contribute by 2007) – Emeka Okafor, Luke Jackson, Luol Deng, Tony Allen, Jameer Nelson. That’s it, that’s the list, and NONE of them are going to be future all-stars, just solid role players. Quite a year.