THE BOARD
No, I’m not as clever as Best Week Ever on VH1. But the fact that I try has to count for something, n’est-ce pas? Anyway, I try to post this on Mondays. But here it is … late … or is it early?
THE BOARD
1. Three-day weekends. I won’t say Memorial Day is the greatest holiday in the calendar year, but it’s at least the best in the last week of May. The perfect beginning to the summer. The end to a school year (for most). A time for awakening, recharging, barbecuing, debauchery, and relaxation. We’re supposed to remember something, but as a non-Republican who constantly feels uneasy in the shadow of the current administration, I am clearly not a patriot, according to them, and the White House will certainly tell you I have no business celebrating Memorial Day.
2. Internet Archive. If you believe in the utopian ideals of freedom of expression and the social policy of a marketplace of ideas, then sometimes you’re pleased to discover a site that manages to pursue that ideal in some manner, by archiving postings, audio, and news that appears online. Interesting, provocative. Much props to twin earth for the link. Now, on to the porn.
3. Necks. Chicken necks? No, of course not. A simple mention for the most underrated part of a woman’s body, the back of the neck. Stylish, alluring, and sometimes, gorgeous. Now just don’t tattoo a bunch of Hebrew gibberish on it.
4. Sideshow Bob. If Kelsey Grammer is still into the spinoff thing, he should consider a show revolving around the archnemesis of Bart. Recently seen: The voting episode that mimics Rush Limbaugh, All the President’s Men, and A Few Good Men.
“You can’t handle the truth! No truth-handler you! Bah!! I deride your truth-handling
ability!”
… or …
Judge: Take him away, bailiffs.
SSB: What? But why? Oh, yes. All that stuff I did.
5. The Breakup of Phish. I know you’re all expecting me to mock this band here, simply because I don’t “get it.” However, I empathize. It’s tough to see a band you follow exit into the sunset, but at least these guys went out on top. I mean, you could be listening to St. Anger.
THE BORED
1. Tourism. Trapped in a cultural and literal wasteland, the chances for fun, quick, inexpensive getaway weekends are few and far between. Yeah, there’s Denver. (7 hours.) KC (lived there.). Dallas (7 hours.) Wichita (done it all.). Lawrence (Iowa City II). Manhattan (Ames).So, what to do? Especially with a birthday coming up. Ideas are welcome…
2. Storms. Well, apparently the homeland is a disaster area. And while on my sojourn to DSM, the wedding reception was rudely interrupted by a pack of wild tornados. I would like to say I joined everyone else downstairs when the sirens went off, but, as SK would say (and did), “Seriously. Beer is comped, dude.” Can’t even say we were noble. Nobly drunk, I suppose.
3. This week. Can it go any slower? It can? Great.
4. Injuries. Never an excuse for sporting failures. Never. Never. Never. Kerry Wood’s out three weeks? Well, maybe this year.
5. The NBA on ESPN. Please stop shouting. Please. I’m begging here. You’re not profound, in fact, I think your coverage has sealed the coffin of a dying sport. Barely-high-school-grads playing video games and chucking bad shots? This is supposed to be a factory lifestyle, not a pro sport. All this while desperate members of their entourages screech about the “L” on TV? Make a freaking jumper. ANYBODY. Am I a broken record here?
Song of the weak. Mambo No. 5, Lou Bega.
I can’t believe it’s been only four years since Sweet Lou bestowed this classic upon us. Every night, every commercial, every second was that stupid little ditty. It’s listed here because it will always be intwined with my return from England and graduation in the states. A little bit of Monica, Amber, Tina, whoever. We’re all waiting for No. 6, Lou. Take the ball! It’s in your court!